July 31st, 2015.

Something I have said over the past year is how much I wanted to keep up with my blog. Keeping up with my blog became hard at a point, because every time I wrote it was a constant battle of being able to see what I was even writing through the tears. But with time, comes strength. I have the weakest days like anyone would, but as I've said from the beginning Bane blessed me with this insane amount of strength to move forward. Strength number one being, living without the one person you could never see yourself without. The person you made with every inch of your soul and body. At this time last year I had no idea my world would be soon flipped completely upside down. The love I had for Bane through my whole pregnancy doesn't compare to the love I was bombarded with the second his little body was put into my arms. They say its the first blind date you know that you'll fall in love and every bit of it is true. It's a love that can't even be described. And in our case, it was a love that would never end, even though our time together had. Life past Bane just didn't seem possible. But every time I wanted to give up, an intense amount of love always came over me. Like he was right next to me saying "Mom, I'm still here!!!" With Bane's 1st birthday in just a couple days, I am determined to take on the day filled with strength and love for my little one. He's my thought process every single day... all day. I feel like as I grow, he is right next to me growing too. Maybe that's part of keeping his name alive? All I know is, my baby has been gone for a whole year, a year without seeing his face, a year without changing his dirty diaper, or singing him lullaby's. A year I never thought I could get through.. but I did. WE did, because I sure know I wouldn't have been able to do it without his daddy. Even though Bane isn't here, we will all continue to grow TOGETHER, our love for him increases, just as our anticipation to see him again does too. My life is for you little one.